I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I fill condoms, not promises.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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