You're my little dorito
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
