Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
