the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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