You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
