I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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