Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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