it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
