you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The air taste purple.
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