So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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