oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
