so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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