The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just want nice things and good sex
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
