i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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