I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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