Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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