just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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