genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize