pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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