Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
