It's Friday. Sex?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
