my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
now i know why i became what i already was.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
