almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
