He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
