Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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