Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My life is pants optional.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
