Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
