$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
