somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
