He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I intend to get homeless drunk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
