my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need to align my fucking chakras
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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