How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
