I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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