After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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