I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
