When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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