Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
