She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
