im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need to calm my uterus...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
