i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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