I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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