Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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