Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
