i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize