I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
