I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
