I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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