i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just invented taco cereal.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
