im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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