this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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