do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
