i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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