Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
