we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
