I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
