Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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