i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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