My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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