Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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