Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
