i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
