You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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