She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize