I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
