I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize