It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
