i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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