my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
