you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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